Explainer #7 – The week we lost an explorer

The week we lost an explorer

The most important news this week has to do with something out of this world. Our trusty space explorer Cassini ended it’s 13 year expedition in spectacular form, a silent kamikaze into Saturn’s atmosphere.

Cassini beamed back breathtaking images for more than a decade and I think you should do yourself a favor by grabbing a cup of coffee and checking out this awesome photo tour of some of the best photos from the expedition.

The past couple weeks news has had me pretty bummed but reflecting on some of these images captured by Cassini got me back to good. We are all such a miracle, the fact that we are here…. the odds are against all of this happenening but it did. We know so much yet so little about this world and beyond.

When Elon takes us to Mars, I’ll consider going.

Thanks for reading. Sub and share like a pro.

-Joe

Let’s get this out of the way

The “revolutionary” iPhone X was released last week and left me with mixed emotions. Tim Cook owned the keynote and I think they did a good job of giving respect to Steve. As an android user, I found myself saying “bout time” on many features that are part of Cupertino’s flagship device but also saying bravo because it’s a solid device on paper. Smarter guys have better reviews than I could ever write, but my final thought is this…. $1000 for a phone made of glass with an ugly as “notch” on the screen, that’s a big hell naw. I’ll still have to buy one for my wife.

The best CEO award goes to…

Jack Ma, head boss at Alibaba who’s intro at a company party last week was nothing short of spectacular. I love a good Michael Jackson tribute like any red blooded American, but a tech CEO’s intro in full King of Pop regalia is next level!

He can do what he wants

Because Alibaba shows no sign of slowing. It’s Q1 earnings showed 56% growth over the same quarter last year but more interesting was it’s cloud growth. Alibaba Cloud grew 100% to more than $359M.

Rackspace Datapipe picture

Rackspace acquires Datapipe

It’s for an undisclosed amount but looks like a power play to grow Rackspace’s public cloud business. Datapipe was founded in 1998 and has some great logos and large install base but what sets them apart is their profitable MSP for AWS and Azure. The Rackspace Datapipe team will combine for more than $2.4B annual rev.

The ongoing cloud wars

Bob over at Forbes has updated his ongoing cloud provider power rankings. He updates the list when there are big moves in the market. This update is all about VMware earning a spot on this list thanks to their partnerships with everyone that matters.

Why would you leave AWS

It seems like AWS is this noble platform looking to change the world (which they are), but why would you ever want to leave? For cloud storage provider Dropbox, it was about taking control of their own destiny, not to mention the bottom line.

How do you migrate 500PB

You assemble a great team and partners and get to work. Dropbox believed they could provide customers a better experience and save money if they build a platform in house. They had a bunch of ex googlers get in a room, devise a plan, build out the infrastructure, and hit go. The rest is history as the company now runs the majority of it’s infrastructure in house. If you want to run with the big dogs, get off the porch.

They had some help

Aunt Meg and her cast of hyperscale engineers had something to do with Dropbox’s successful AWS departure. Dropbox is a case study that HPE will often reference with potential customers as their Cloudline server platform is where dropbox landed all those bits.

Now Meg’s on the team for real

I guess things went so well for Dropbox and their little migration that they asked HPE CEO Meg Whitman to join the board. Let’s just say she has a little experience building companies.

A music major

Would you hire a Chief Information Security Officer who was a music major? I’m not saying I would or wouldn’t because of that alone, but if this person was in charge of 143M Americans personal information them being a music major might raise a red flag.

IDGAF

That’s what Equifax said when they hired Susan Mauldin to be their CSO, in fact they also didn’t even care that she had no advanced security certs to her name and there’s speculation Equifax is trying to downplay if not cover up her lack of experience. If you want to read someone else’s opinion about this fine, but I’m pissed.

South Park double whammy

South Park image boys in space

The new video game is “colorful”

South Park creators are releasing a new video game titled “South Park: The Fractured But Whole”. See what they did there? These guys know how to push buttons and they’ve sone it again. The more difficult you make the game, the darker your character’s skin becomes. In other words, if it’s on easy you’re white and if it’s hard…. you’re black.

And Cartman loves Alexa

It had to be done. This weeks South Park episode had you and your Amazon Echo fully engaged as Eric Cartman had several harmless interactions with his and viewers home assistant. Classic move Cartman.


Cartman talking to Alexa

4TB VM
I’ve been in HW sales for many years and we’ve understood that if you want really big VM’s for databases, you need to stand that up in your datacenter. Amazon wants to disrupt another segment in the market and are rolling out 4TB virtual machines that are SAP certified out of the gate. No word on pricing but I can imagine you could buy a Tesla for the same price. What do you think Larry Ellison is thinking?

Is Oracle’s strategy working?

Ellison has had is heart set on being a real contender in the cloud space, even calls out AWS and Microsoft in previous keynotes. If this quarter’s results are an indicator, his grand plan is working and fast. Oracle saw cloud revenue jump 51% thanks to it’s NetSuite acquisition and they now have 5,000+ customers in their cloud. They’re bringing fully autonomous databases to the cloud through AI. I can’t wrap around the implications but I think Skynet is real.

Oracle wants to hang with the cool kids too

Oracle announced it’s joining CNCF. This is kind of like the time when your grandpa learned how to dab. Can we now say, for sure, without a doubt that Kubernetes won the cloud war?

$1B 
That’s the amount Alphabet is pumping into Lyft. Alphabet has been developing autonomous vehicle technology through it’s company Waymo and this investment has big table stakes. With Lyft’s install base and Waymo’s technology, Uber better be on the lookout because shit just got real.



Don’t ruin a good thing, bro

Nothing recruits terrorists better than a bullshit startup. A couple Silicon Valley bros were hitting the vape pen really hard and said:

Bro, you know what would be cool?
No, bro?
It’d be cool if we made a vending machine that had cool stuff in it like a corner store.
Dang, that’s a cool idea, I hate corner stores.
Ya me too, let’s put these vending machines everywhere.
Let’s call this Bodega and destroy mom and pop shops on every corner in America!

That’s not the official transcript but you get the idea. America, please don’t support Bodega, support your local bodega! This is the kind of shit that gets funded right before we have a market correction. Let’s hope I’m wrong.

xxx ted

Triple X Ted

Ted, I know your old and all, but you’ve got to try harder. I know your handlers have told you a dozen times that the internet doesn’t forgive and it does not forget. That means when you like a porn tweet, guess what…. we’ll find out and we’ll be grossed out. Unplug from social, please.

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